What kind of masochistic deal is this?  Listen, if your cat nips at you, bites you and tries to scratch you, there’s a simple solution.

Move the heck away from your cat! Step away from the kitty! Those boots were made for walking, girl. And please, please, don’t play with your cat using your toes, fingers and hair. Then you’re asking for it. May as well write letters to inmates at SuperMax facilities, and send them a photo of you in a bikini.

We humans are supposed to be the ones with big brains, but sometimes I wonder.

Newsflash . . . being a good owner isn’t the same as being a punching bag.  Anyway, if you don’t learn to avoid getting bitten and scratched, you KNOW that sooner or later your adorable fluffy will scratch or bite you on a day when you’re in no mood for it.  You’ll scream your head off at that poor beast. You might even take her to a shelter. How compassionate is that?

My fancy, elaborate advice to owners whose cats are beating them like a rag doll is to just stop. When those claws come out, the fun ends. Get up and walk away. No yelling. No baby talk.  If you’re in bed and the cat hassles you, put the cat on the floor.  Keep a bunch of toys around so you can distract monster kitty with a mousey wand or crinkle ball.

I know, I know. Some cats are relentless. That’s what doors and ear plugs are for. Cats can be annoying.  Some of them even specialize in being annoying. That’s one of the reasons I love them. They’re punks. They crack me up.